How to Confidently Ask for Help
Here’s my hypothesis on the top reasons we don’t ask for help:
We feel too overwhelmed to figure out how
We think your ask might be too big or too vague
We’re not sure if asking will REALLY help us be more effective
We don’t want to put others out
We don’t want to look silly or stupid
And if this is the case - a post that goes like, “just ask for help! Just do it!” probably won’t serve you - right? '
We’ve got to get beyond all the noise and build confidence in our asks before we make a habit of it.
It’s so NORMAL to feel pressure to get everything done ourselves, to know every answer, to have solved something before a colleague realized there was a problem. I mean, think about that moment in your manager check in when you hear, “so what do you think about it?” or “so what should we do?” - IDK sure doesn’t feel good - and so we often end up with ideas to execute that are way beyond our current capacity, skills or even knowledge. So imagine you’ve done this recently (cough, cough, remember last week when you did), the worst thing to do is to spiral further.
When it’s time to ask for help, here’s how you can do it CONFIDENTLY:
FIRST: Answer this question: Why is it so important to ask for help, right now?
Think BEYOND you - to the outcome you’re seeking with your family/friends/team; to a greater purpose; to being a role model for others.
NEXT: Decide your answer is TRUE & VALID. It’s not all about you, your intelligence, your skill - asking for help is about something bigger. And it’s time.
THEN: Make two T-Charts for your situation to help you get clear
Define what you know and what you need to know.
Define what you have and what you need to get this done.
PSST: Do you know SEO? Send me a message, I’d love to see how we could partner and provide each the knowledge and benefit!
NOW: Connect each of your need / need to know areas with a person who can either help OR might know how to figure it out.
AND do your work to make this mutually beneficial.: Asking for help is an important strategy for progress AND shouldn’t be one way. As you’re looking at the people on your list - consider, what can you give back to them? How could you enter a mutually beneficial relationship of support? How can you compensate them for their time and effort?
Walking in with your plan to ensure this is a dual relationship will add confidence in your ask because you know you’re not taking advantage of the person. Be specific, be caring, and be generous in how you can show them love for their support.
FINALLY: Use this template and reach out - you’ve got everything you need to confidently ask, making it about the bigger picture, not about you.
Adjust as needed - but remember, this isn’t about you - it’s about a bigger purpose, and if nothing else, being a role model in asking for help! Courage attracts courage :)